All posts by Maleficent

Low-carb meals: leave the potatoes behind

I’m finding that I occasionally miss potatoes now, but when I am missing them, I try something like mashed cauliflower, or roasted sweet potato. Recently, I found that Walmart (Canada) has been selling a line of frozen Green Giant products that I didn’t know existed. These products include riced cauliflower (I have three bags in my freezer right now that I have to figure out what I’m going to do with), and tater tot-like creatures called Veggie Tots.

I bought the cauliflower ones, and the broccoli and cheese ones. Can I just say that these things are amazeballs? (Caveat: there’s wheat in the content.) Continue reading Low-carb meals: leave the potatoes behind

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Finding bread substitutes: part 3 – crackers

Hello again. So I’m on a roll with going through various recipes and such. I can’t guarantee I will always write about food or exercise or physical health. Sometimes I might write about other things. But for now, this is what you get.

To recap, I’m on a quest to cut wheat out of my diet, because I believe it is a problem food for me for a variety of reasons. So far, I’ve made almond-flour English muffins (semi-okay), and almond-flour bagels (rockin’!). Another thing I made was an almond-flour cracker.

Again, I’m not a baker, but the recipe I found at Wholesomeyum.com for 3-ingredient paleo crackers seemed easy enough. Continue reading Finding bread substitutes: part 3 – crackers

Finding bread substitutes: part 2 – bagels

The picture you see on this post is one of a food that I have a hard time fathoming having to give up: bagels. I do love bagels. I love them toasted with peanut butter, or Imperial cheese spread, or whipped garlic & herb cream cheese, or even just a bit of butter, and even use them for sandwiches… oh gods, I love bagels.

Now, what would you say if I told you that I, the non-baker, actually made these?

And how about if I told you there wasn’t a speck of wheat in them? Okay, mine don’t classify as gluten-free because the baking powder I have is just the regular stuff, but whatever.

If you’re interested, aim your favourite browser to WholesomeYum.com’s recipe for Low Carb Bagels with Almond Flour. I’m serious. You won’t be disappointed. Continue reading Finding bread substitutes: part 2 – bagels

Finding bread substitutes – part 1: English muffins

So, hi again. Posting about my adventures in LCHF (low-carb high-fat) meal planning. Sure, my carb counts aren’t as low as they should be, but they’re getting lower and the carb quality is better than it was. Instead of white bread and pasta and white potatoes, I’m avoiding wheat and eating more veggies and fruit.

Unfortunately, my body craves bread-stuffs like there is no tomorrow. So I started scouring Pinterest for options because I love things like breakfast sandwiches…unfortunately, they tend to be on English muffins which are made of wheat.

I found a recipe for almond-flour (and therefore low-carb) English muffins that you make in the microwave and then toast. Crazy, right? There are all kinds of them on Pinterest. Just type in something like “2-minute low-carb english muffin” and you’ll find a bunch of recipes. I think some even do it with coconut flour, too, if you can’t have almonds. Continue reading Finding bread substitutes – part 1: English muffins

Turning over a new leaf…

I spent the last quarter of 2017 mostly sick and unable to do much of anything other than drag my sorry ass back and forth to work. Now that we’re in 2018, although I was sick again at the start of the year, I am feeling much better and I am pleased to say I’m “back on plan”.

That’s right. Back “on plan” means meal plan, exercise plan, etc. About 6 years ago, I ballooned up to my heaviest weight ever: 403.4 lbs. Yikes, right? Yeah, I’m putting that out there on the internet. Screw it. I have nothing to hide. Hell, I’m a big girl — there’s no hiding that. So, 5 years ago, give or take a few months, I decided to do something about it. Continue reading Turning over a new leaf…

Trigger Day is Triggering

EDIT: I was told yesterday was Father’s Day and instead of looking at a calendar, I believed it was. Apparently, NEXT Sunday is Father’s Day, so apparently I was all triggered on the wrong day. Maybe this means next weekend, I’ll be all triggered-out and will be fine. Let’s hope.

I try to rarely say “I’m triggered by that”, because it’s used a lot online when talking about mental health, and I get the impression that there are a lot of folks out there who make fun of it, like it’s not a real thing. They refer to some of those of us who deal with mental health issues like we’re faking it, or that we’re “wusses”.

Frankly, I don’t care much what people think of me, but I do take issue with folks not taking mental health seriously.

With that said, I will say that today has been triggering for me, in a big way. Father’s Day is a hard one for me to get through because, well, father-issues. I’m not going to rehash everything tonight. Honestly, I just don’t have it in me. But I look forward to a time when I’m no longer having nightmares and stress dreams about the man. But leading up to today, I’ve been getting very little sleep, poor quality of sleep, nightmares/dreams, and even had to take a day off work due to lack of sleep because of it.

I’ve been trying to move on for the last few years, but my brain seems to be the last one to get the memo.

But then I do stupid things like checking the email folder I shunt all his email to automatically (yay for email rules) so that I don’t have to see them as they come in… just to see if there’s anything new.

There wasn’t, but that’s not the point.

There was at Christmas. And my birthday, I feared there would be another one. This time, there was not.

Today, there was not.

But still, there I was, tentatively opening the folder just to peek and see if anything was bolded, signifying it was a new arrival. I purposely crossed my eyes to unfocus, so that I didn’t have to look at the previews of the emails sent from the past. Stupid. I know. But it’s something I go through, to protect myself.

Today, I did not celebrate an awesome dad. I mourned what could have been. I lamented over the fake relationship I shared with this near-stranger, and how it seemed okay at times, and not at others. Okay, so I didn’t sit there and actively think about it, because I was actually trying to avoid that. But it was in the back of my head. It is almost always in the back of my head.  There were times that seemed good. But I look back now with open eyes and a lot more experience than decades ago, and I realize, I never really had a normal relationship with him. I knew very little about him… and still do. I remember spending one-on-one time with him, either in person or on the phone. I have never had issues talking. When I’d ramble on for a while, I’d finally try to turn the conversation to him. I’d ask him a question. He’d answer it succinctly, or beat around the bush , but ultimately, I’d never really manage to get a real conversation out of him before he’d turn the conversation back to me.

I came to realize that I only started to see the real man behind the mask in the last few years, as all the shit hit the fan.

And frankly, I’m glad he’s out of my life because he scares the hell out of me.

And so, yet another evening has been spent, in bed, staring into the darkness, wishing myself to go to sleep but unable to. Work comes in the morning, early, and I get very little “restful sleep” to begin with, but here I am, staring at the clock, almost afraid to go to sleep because, I worry, what fresh hell will the Sandman bring me tonight?

I had enough last night, thanks.

But why can’t I fall asleep, really?

Because I have spent the day fighting off tears that have stung at my eyes, threatening to blur my vision and muck up my glasses. Because I have done whatever I can to steady my shaking hands while I cut vegetables for a dinner I had no energy or will to cook. Because I have drowned my brain in reruns of movies I’ve seen a thousand times and can recite as if on cue along with the actors, and playing video games that I’ve played a million times, as repetition helps, numbing the mind. Because for the last three weeks, I have been bombarded by commercials and email reminders that this day was coming up, and I have not had any luck avoiding these reminders.

Because I am triggered by Father’s Day.