When living with chronic pain and mental health issues, one must remember to forgive oneself. This is something I tend to forget. And I end up apologizing for a lot of what I feel are my “failings”. One of the worst ones for me is housework. Continue reading Spent alllll the spoons today
So, trigger warning: I’m gonna talk about nightmares. I am a chronic nightmare sufferer and I’ve been having some doozies lately.
Last night’s nightmare, I told hubby about this morning and he was all, “You seriously need to write this stuff down. It’d make for good stories.” Uh, okay. My nightmares would make good stories. Sure.
It’s been almost a month and a half since my last post. Life has been busy, and I haven’t been keeping up on this part of my life. So, I’m back.
Honestly, the last week or so, my anxiety has skyrocketed. Right through the roof, in fact. This seems to happen leading up to my end-of-March birthday. I know why.
It’s the nightmares. Continue reading Caution: Approach at own risk
There are moments in my life that give me no pride. Every time I have an anxiety attack, there is a certain amount of shame that comes with it, usually because someone has witnessed it and I’m embarrassed, or because of some sense that I should have had better control over my emotions and not let them get the better of me. I’m in my 40s. I should know better, right? Well, knowing and being able to do are two very different things.
For me, if I am sick for too long — the type that keeps you awake at night — I get “sick brain”, aka “cold brain”. Or, as I called it today, “idiot brain”. Yeah, I’ve already mentioned that I’m fighting off a cold. A collague today asked, “Oh, is that the ‘choking cough’?” He had been through this through the holiday, apparently, and was wincing in the other office in sympathy for me. He knows exactly what I’m going through.
So, today, my boss asked me to do something. I immediately hopped on it and a short time later, I told her it was done and gave it to her. A little while later, she redid the work — because apparently, I completely misunderstood what she was asking of me. Now, this doesn’t happen very often. We joke about “sharing a brain”. But my half is on medical leave right now, I guess, and I’ve got a bad temp working up there in my thought-cage, which caused me to completely mess up.
So, maybe 24 hours into my new blog and I’m already working on my third post. I hope this means I’m going to stick with it. Yesterday, I was gung-ho about the idea. Today, I was productive and posted a recipe review, of sorts.
Tonight, I find my energy, while still strong, has shifted. Such is the way with my brain — optimistic for the most part, but then the darkness starts to creep in at the corners of my thought-cage, ushering in hints of doubt, insecurity and negativity.
I read somewhere that Depression (yes, capital D) means you don’t care about things, while Anxiety (also a capital) means you care too much — so having both was pure hell. From experience, I’d have to say that this seems rather close to the mark. Continue reading Treading water